I used to have another blog on this stupid site...

But I couldn't sign into it because of some Google bullshit.

Whatever.

I'm depressed. I've thought about killing myself so many times. I thought about it at least three times today. A little while ago I thought about just downing a bunch of my Cymbalta. But then I thought that I don't want to start vomiting or experience that pain. So, I didn't do it. Then I thought about going to the emergency room like I promised my psychiatrist I would if I felt suicidal again. But, I thought ehhhh...it's late...I don't want to wake mom up.

I hate Dan. I'm in love with him but I hate him. He's so stupid and I feel that he has had a huge hand in making me this depressed lately. Which he has. He's not the sole reason why I'm all blue. But he's a big reason why I'm depressed now.

He was a shitty boyfriend. He was a shitty friend. He's still a shitty friend despite the fact that he claims he wants to be my friend. It's not fair that he gets to go out...with MY old friends...and get completely drunk and have a "crazy fun time" while I have to sit all by myself on Friday night with NO ONE.

I hate break ups. I hate Dan. I am alone. I want to die. I hate my life.

I wish I could move to California and never return.

Bah. Whatever. More to come later.